It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
