Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
