yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
