i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
