anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.