Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
