We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
