I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
