I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
