I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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