I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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