You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
