Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
