Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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