based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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