the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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