I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
