its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
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We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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