she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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