I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
