So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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