dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
