I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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