I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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