dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
