Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
