i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need a beard to bite.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
