God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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