I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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