So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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