alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
