Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
