Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
