How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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