I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
