you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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