I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
