just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
