when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
