Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
