my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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