But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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