You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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