on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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