Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
