Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Less talking, more tequila
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
