found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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