with your own penis?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
how does that bad decision feel?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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