She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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