Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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