The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
