made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
