It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm like, not good at living.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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