I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
