I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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