Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
