if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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