Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
