No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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