sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
