I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
