yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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