every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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