Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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