Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
