Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
