I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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