Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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