how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
