Who wears a wallet chain?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
