I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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