His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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