What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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