But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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