chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
