Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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