I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
