I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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