Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
